On the brink of a new year, I think about the resolutions I will not make. I will not promise to write every day. Though I want to. I will try. But promising to do it every day feels like I’m cursing it to doom before the first scribble on the page. For now I am writing about not writing. Well done.
I will not promise to sweep the house clear of clutter. Though I want to. I will try. But I am a saver and a cherisher and a planner of big things that I will get to someday. Maybe today just the desk. And maybe tomorrow just a drawer or two. Again, I feel like I am cursing it to doom. Before the first surface is clear.
I will not promise to exercise EVERY day. Though I kind of want to. I will try. But I am a content lounger and reader and cocooner. I did get in my early morning walk with my neighbor and dog. And I am scheduled to do the same tomorrow. And the day after. But If I resolve to do it every day I will be defeated within the week as maybe one morning is too wet or cold and the bed too warm.
I will not promise to eat only healthy food and toss no leftovers or unused vegetables gone bad. Though I should. I will try. But I am a shopper and a grazer and a lover of good wine and a sweet or two and get too carried away at Farmer’s markets. Today, though, I had leftover Thai soup for breakfast and threw in veggies from the drawer. But if I resolve to be good for all of the new year I will be defeated with that third glass of Prosecco after midnight and the tub of Cozy Shack pudding nursing my hangover.
I will not resolve to be grateful for everything in my life. Though I like that idea. I will try. But in moments I am lost without my parents just a phone call away or have flashes of anger and bitterness about being a skilled and able professional displaced from a company I gave so much to: now with so much uncertainty about how I will make it to the finish line. But today I awoke to the sun rising over the lake, my dog snoring at my feet, my child successfully launched into the world and an evening with good friends to look forward to. My resolution is to make no resolutions for the future and to be content in this moment in this place. So far so good!