Girlfriends!

Can you imagine nine men meeting at a support group, signing up to provide and receive continued support after the support group program ends? Then imagine fast forwarding three years and see those same men, on an early December evening, sitting around a beautiful home, exquisitely decorated for Christmas, with no less than four decorated Christmas trees (one of pink feathers...photos included of a few of them), laughing and carrying on at least three conversations at the same time, finishing each others sentences and asking probing questions without offense. Imagine the topic of one of those conversations is the organizational details of how they are coordinating the shopping and wrapping that is being done to put together a trunk full of presents for a needy family that goes to the community center where several of those men around the table volunteer their time. Imagine, in the middle of the table, a colossal, fully loaded Shrimp Louis and home made split pea soup: so tasty and special it brings at least a few gathered around the table to tears: tears of gratitude. Imagine the host man jumping up from the table and offering to go through his closet to pull out a few different suits for one of those gathered to try on because he isn’t sure what to wear for an upcoming event. Thank you Katie for the wonderful meal and your generous heart. I love your style.

Did I lose you at “imagine nine men meeting at a support group…? It’s things like the above described scene that make me so grateful that I was made a woman, not a man. I may write more about it later, but this is not an easy season for me and I find myself often immersed in some darker place. Grace shows up in so many forms, some little, some huge. Often in the form of my girlfriends. Who can remain in a funk when you are sitting around the table with those friends?

The night before the one described, I was sitting around another table with a different group of friends. This time at my church attending the Women’s Christmas Dessert event. Here table hosts go all out and decorate their tables with their best china or Christmas dishes, nicely polished silver service, sparkling crystal stemware, candles, flowers, nativity scenes. Each table different, reflecting the sense of style and personality of the table host. Charlie and Stacie joined forces this year and did a gorgeous table which I was fortunate enough to be asked to join. Gave me a chance to see them as well as other dear friends. After a short musical program and entertaining talk by pastor Kendy Easley to help prepare our hearts and minds for the holiday season we went to our candle lit tables. There a gorgeous little dessert was at our place, and men from the church who had volunteered, served us coffee and kept our water glasses full. Time flew as I caught up with this group of friends. It was another beautiful evening with my girlfriends.

And speaking of girlfriends, as promised, here are “the girls” as they appeared Saturday night at the event the borrowed outfit was for. The body painting was added during the break between my dealing at the Black Jack table when I told the painter “I need to earn tips.” It worked! Two self shot photos taken after the event to show the painting and the cleavage I’ve been telling you all about. I was also wearing the masque which helped to pull off the cleavage shot a little less self consciously. Was able to spend the evening at the party with another girlfriend, Janelle, who also volunteered as a dealer. Love my girlfriends!

Diversity Rocks!

I looked around our conference room today and thought “this looks like a set up picture for ad print showing workplace diversity." We were previewing a demo of a really cool intersections system piece of equipment (I know…potentially geeky boring, but really, this was cool and so more advanced than the current industry standard) and had several of our staff, invited staff from a few local agencies and the two men out from Tennessee who brought the demo. Of the 12 people in our conference room, there were: three women (which may not sound hugely diverse, but for our profession it is actually a good representation), two of who are Asian; and of the nine men; two Asian, two Middle Eastern, one African American and four Caucasian. Ages ranged from just out of college twenties to almost to retirement sixties. As far as diversity, the world is becoming a much better place! Something to celebrate.

AIDS Twenty-Five Years Later

Today is “Bloggers unite for World AIDS Day 2008”. We’ve been asked to post something about AIDS. I find this a difficult post to make as I have a very personal experience with it but am not with the freedom to give the details. This is because it happened to a member of my extended marital family. It was the mid-‘80s and this new “plague” was just becoming known. The person who contracted it had been living a double life and his exposure occurred in the other life, the one that I did not even know about until his prognosis was shared. It was a dark secret: a family shame that had been kept hidden as best as possible from the outside world. His decline happened quickly and he was hospitalized for “cancer treatment” but never came out. The hospital was just in the process of setting up protocol on how to deal with these patients. There were large “alert” posters outside his room and everybody entered with latex gloves, several with masks on their face. His immediate family was conflicted: angry, grieved, ashamed. Visits to the hospital were strained. Painful. I did the only thing I could think of. I fed him. Without gloves. I wasn’t at liberty to talk about what was going on. This was still “cancer” for all intensive purposes. Once he was gone the topic was never discussed again, though it impacted everyone. Severely.

Since that time, so many men and women have been diagnosed and died. Some I've known and missed. I've listened to and cried with the loved ones of those. Many others have been diagnosed and receive treatment but there is still no cure. They are forever changed with this life sentence. And then so are we. Almost everyone I know has some personal experience of loss from AIDS. I understand a vaccination has been developed, or is being developed, and so, though not a cure, perhaps an eventual eradication. The disease is rampant in third world countries. In January I will travel to Sudan, where AIDS is more a disease of poverty than a disease of lifestyle like it is here. Since the time I first became aware of AIDS, it is no longer just a disease of lifestyle. It is something that innocent children contract in the womb. It is one more potential “gotcha” that youngsters who feel immune to unwanted pregnancies and STDs are dealing with. It’s one more complication for drug addicts to deal with. It’s added an additional layer of seriousness to this walk we call life; one more thing to gamble with. No doubt it’s caused some of the population to be more careful. Has the number of unwanted pregnancies and reported cases of other STDs gone down?

I remember when I was first touched personally by the existence of AIDS I was thinking “At least they will have a cure for this by the time my children (as yet unborn at that time) are sexually active.” “At least I’m married and don’t have to worry about dealing with that risk.” It’s nearly twenty-five years later. All I’ve learned is how little I know. And how devastating living a double life can be: for those who live them and those who live with those who live them. Be careful out there.

Andy Plays Stickman

Now that I've figured out how to post Youtube videos, here's a piece with Andy this summer and his band "Lathe Symphonic" playing at the Stickman Cafe in Fremont this summer. Andy's playing the acoustic bass, wearing the "where's Waldo?" sweater and the Utilikilt. There are more Lathe Symphonic videos on You Tube for those who are interested.

Ziggy Sings

Bubble Face

This precious picture is of Miss Alexis Cauble Beck, daughter of my dear friend (and the photographer) Nicole.

Pretty and Poisonous

These lovelies were out and I caught them enjoying the sun on a walk with Adrea recently. I think it's the spots that give them so much character. I also think it indicates they are poisonous.

Perspective

Not having a good week, on oh so many levels. As such it's pretty easy to be preoccupied and unaware of what's going on around me. Anyway, I just slumped to the restroom down the hall and as I sat there in the midst of my pity party I looked up and saw this guy grinning down at me. Kind of a Pinocchio character saying "ooh" disguised as a coat hook. So I snagged a pic to share with you. Again (like my photo session in the airplane bathroom) I was hoping not to get caught taking a picture in a bathroom stall. I was lucky.

So now, being aware of my surroundings, I also took a pic of the retro ashtray in the stall though it has been years since it's been allowable to smoke in a bathroom stall. I have to admit at the moment, having a smoke in a secluded bathroom in the throws of my funk, perhaps throwing in a complete meltdown seems awfully tempting. Sigh.... I am tempted to come back over the weekend with a screwdriver and take that no longer needed ashtray. I want one in my own home. No, I wouldn't smoke inside but it would add a nice retro touch to the bathroom. Maybe I could set a pretty candle on it. Or rose petals. I had a sweet aunt (once or twice removed) who lived in a beautiful home and was always so proper. She'd disappear into her private bathroom for a good long session a few times a day and come back smelling like smoke. I always admired her mix of independence and class.

One funny thought...I remember observing the name on the toilet seat covers in the bathroom of a different office. The seat cover dispenser was imprinted with (I assume) the company name "Rest Assured." Now that must have been some fun party when they came up with that inspired name.

Brazilian Wax Poetically

In South America they have no idea
How women in America pay for torture
In the name of their Country

Perhaps we shall do this for ourselves
Or on the off chance
An adventurous explorer
Will meander through
The foliage stripped rain forest
In search of the Fountain of Youth

Dilemma

It matters not
To those who will see
Without a thought
Of propriety
Selection of garb
For day of inconsequential interaction

Yet still she stands
Perplexed, unsure
Of who she is and what will fit
The state she’s in without a hint
Revealed to those whose path
Might cross as functioning on she goes

For what is the cut that fits the mood
Of ease and comfort
Or the constriction of formality
Unsure of who she is and what is right
For what she is supposed to be

With vast selection and depth of choice
But not a one will match the voice
That speaks to her of what is wrong
Or what is right

Selection stifled by too much thought
Turns away from so much there
Still unsure of what to wear
But none is right and all are wrong
To define the thing she is inside
As if it made any difference
To anyone
But her

-------------------------

Picture source

Invisible Words

My words
Selected so carefully
I offer as a gift
Of myself to you

So much invested
Paid dearly for most of them
In return they gave me pleasure
And I had hoped would mean
As much to you

Intellectually
I know lack of acknowledgement
Is not in and of itself
A rejection of me
Or my thoughts

But I am back in pre-school
Presenting with great ceremony
My awkward drawing
With feet too big
And lumpy hands
Cartoonish really
But pridefully drawn none the less
And you don’t see me
Standing there with
My offering
And I am invisible
Once again

Not To Be

There are relationships that shouldn’t be.
That the only possible outcome is hurt:
Either hurt caused by setting boundaries;
Hurt caused by creating a false sense that all is well;
Hurt from introducing truth;
Hurt from miscommunication;
Hurt from being misunderstood;
Hurt from self protection;
Hurt from apparently needing to be protected from.
Sometimes it seems like
Isolation is the only sure answer.
But I don’t think that is what He intended;
Not how He intended us to live.
But neither do I think He intends for us
To keep returning to a source of hurt.
Would it be such a big deal, God,
To protect ourselves from ourselves?
I’m just asking for a little protection here.
Please get back to me.
Soon?

-----------------------

Photo from here

LALA Land

Today was a quick shot down to LA and Back. Now I remember why I am not smitten with LA. However, the warm weather was nice, though I only experienced it for the few minutes I was outside the conference area, making phone calls. And when I stopped to take notice of my surroundings I realized I was surrounded by the most magnificent gardenia bush in bloom. There is no other scent to compare to a gardenia. Makes my mouth and eyes water. But the balance of the experience was spent driving with the masses under a smog filled sky or hanging out in LAX which is badly in need of a re-do. Familiar street names on the exit signs were memory jogging...(.."when the sun goes down on the SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD".... "I wanna glide down, over MULLHOLLAND"... "VENTURA HIGHWAY" in the sunshine, where the days are longer the nights are stronger than moonshine"....

Flying is always fun....not! But I was amused in the little bathroom. I think I was especially aware because I was remembering the part in "They Poured Fire On Us..." (discussed here) where one of the boys talks about his first experience on the plane and he can't figure out how to get out of the bathroom. He has to be coached from the other side on how to unlock it. So I'm thinking about that as I'm facing the door and notice this sign (shown above) and I wonder how many people have seen this and push the button to get a drink delivered to that little, private room. Talk about service! (The sign struck me as so amusing I had to take a picture. Only afterwards I wondered if anybody waiting outside could tell from the flash that I was taking pictures, and if so, what the heck did they think I was doing in there?)

The return flight was chock full. I had a window seat and got stuck beside this couple that had obviously recently hooked up. They appeared to be about my vintage and I'm guessing had met over the Internet. In addition to excessive snuggling and kissy-face they were teasing each other about their snoring episodes and were acting like it was cute: another clue that they were a new coupling. They had brought on a few meals and were actually feeding each other! And then towards the end she took her cell phone and held it up high and took a picture of themselves. Actually two: the first wasn't flattering enough. I saw that she saved it on her computer as "first flight." I wasn't the only one who was impacted by this spectacle. As I finally got to rise out of my seat when the aisle clearing got to our row, a woman nearby stopped to let me out saying something like "oh wait. You next. I bet you really need to get out!" and she winked at me. I just cracked up. Sorry folks. I don't think I'm ready for that kind of dating stuff. I can't imagine...

Do It Yourself Therapy

The Power of Flow, When Going Through Hell Don't Stop,
The Disease to Please, The Impossible Just Takes a Little Longer,
Simple Abundance, The Magic in Your Mind,
The Go Girl Guide, Games People Play
Modern mantras, Rhinoceros Success,
Living Successfully with Screwed Up People,
Mind Like Water, Don't Be Nice Be Real,
The Rainbow Connection, Nasty People,
The Way of the Wizard,
If Life is a Game These Are the Rules,
The Best Things in Life Aren't Things,
Flow, Wacky Chicks, Attention Shoppers!
The Woman's Guide to Enlightenment Through Shopping,
Change Almost Anything in 21 Days,
Retail Therapy, Kiss My Tiara,
Brave on the Rocks, Women Who Think Too Much,
Do It Anyway, The Naked Cartoonist,
Plato Not Prozac, Think Naked,
The Hip Girls Handbook, Dojo Wisdom,
Cracked Kitchen Table Wisdom,
Mozart's Brain and the Fighter Pilot,
Horse Sense for People,
How to Ruin Your Life,
The Art of Doing Nothing.

Though I am always game for DIY projects I stop short at Self Help books. Though I gathered a list of random titles from that section in the book store which I think is fascinating just read straight out of context. People really get paid for these ideas?

Painting by Aaron Jasinski, Bremerton

Grandma Lou and Words

"Mom used words as toys...and she played with them well."

-Julie (Harwood) Clark...my Sis

Found this note in a retired journal I came across. See, Jewels can play with words well too! Photo: Grandma Lou doing one of her favorite things: reading to a grandchild. Here it's Andy circa about 1991.

I'm Doing a Happy Dance!

My friend Steve came through for me! He's a savy e-bay/Craig's List shopper so I knew he'd be skilled at finding me a replacement for my sorely missing Starbuck's Card (Valentine's Day 2005 version). I wrote about it here.

[Exciting update: after this post I went to register the card to start using it and found that there was a $5 balance on the card. I think this is more than what Steve found the card for. I owe someone a cup o' Joe!]

I had a brutal day at work: major IT transmission problems, phone system problems wreaking havoc on a crazy day. Project wise, by days end I had 80 new e-mails in my box to deal with, resulting in 50 outgoing mails, transferring all my inbound calls to my cell to deal with the phone probs, working out the probs with the home office, three new projects to get proposals on, setting two meetings with SDOT on two different projects, coordinating CAD drawings on four projects, meeting with a VMS (that's variable message signs) rep from France, and QC-ing three documents to send out. Thank God Molly was back and helping me accomplish all this. I know: bring out the violins. But I was beat and when I headed out at 6:00 it was darker than dark and raining buckets.

But I had a good target to head to: Steve and Judy's. Lured there by a promise of a glass of wine, "snacks" (which, if you know Judy, you can assume a wonderful spread) and the opportunity to go through some dishes she had cleared out of her pantry and was giving me first dibs on. If that wasn't enough, sitting there I was surprised with this lovely Starbucks card. SCORE!!! Despite the brutal day I couldn't help but give a happy dance. I love having my new card, plus wonderful new treasures for serving food in/on and most of all love my dear friends. Muah!

Feed Your Mind...And the World!

Check out this awesome concept at FreeRice.com. According to the site, FreeRice has two goals:
1. Provide education to everyone for free.
2. Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.

Here’s how it works: you take a little vocabulary quiz (it’s a good quiz: starts easy but builds up). For every answer you get right you earn 20 grains of rice to be donated to a place of need in the world. It’s a simple business model: advertisers are paying for the ad banners at the bottom of the site. While you are being subliminally sold to, the site sponsor is earning ad money. That money goes straight to the selected causes. Give it a try. I’m going to try to make it habit to do this at least once a day. Just like I do with one click on the Click to Give site that funds mammograms for those who don’t have insurance and can’t afford.

I was responsible for 320 grains of rice today and partially funded a mammogram. Want to join me? I’ll add links to these two sites in my Find, Found, Fond section so you can go back and do whenever you visit my blog. Maybe I’ll try to use some new vocabulary too!

Jubilee Reach Center: Check it out!

If you know me, you know my involvement and and passion for the people served at Jubilee Reach Center in Bellevue, where I volunteer with the kids before school one day a week. I'm also involved in the Christmas gifting program where families in need will be provided with things they need and special Christmas gifts given just for them. Parents are able to see that Santa doesn't miss their homes this year. JRC just put together an informative video to encourage folks to participate in all the good work going on at the Center. I invite you to view the video here. And I invite you to think about volunteering some of your time and heart. There are many one-shot opportunities as well as a commitment of just an hour or two a week. I promise, you'll get more out of it than you give.

Really, Me? Fun with Photos

Check out this site. You can take your face and create interesting photos. Here are a few versions of me....

As Mona Lisa...

And in my gypsy phase, with Mini-Me tagging along...

And then my more rebellious stage...

-----------------------
Make your own at PhotoFunia

Remembering....Italy.....Some Images.....Sigh.....