Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Parting Sorrow

It is with sadness that I have said good bye to my cross street neighbor/friend Cynthia. She, and her fiance Hugh moved in a year ago and we had gotten quite close (though I guess not super close or I would have not been taken by surprise about what happened). When I got back from my trip I kept waiting to see her car at home so I could thank her for keeping an eye on my place and share about my trip. She had donated (with a Microsoft match) to my trip. Her car didn't come, and didn't come and I was getting a little worried, except that she travels quite extensively for her job and is often gone for several days. However, when I went to dinner at my next-door neighbors on Saturday, Dick informed me that the moving van had come on Saturday (just days before I returned) and moved Cynthia out. Dick said Hugh had wandered down and shared how sad he was that things didn't work out with Cynthia.

She moved out on him. This triggered a few things for me. Moving out on someone you love and have been with for a good while (25 years in my case, 4+ years for Cynthia and Hugh) is Hell. It takes guts and things to be really bad to move on. My heart broke for Cynthia even though I didn't have the full story. I've corresponded with her since and we'll get together in March after she's settled into her new life (she said seeing me now would just make her cry).

I have anger with Hugh and I can't even say why. I just know that I don't really want to talk to him. Cynthia told me that the decision to split was mutual and that they arrived at it together over several tears and discussions. That they are speaking with each other though not seeing each other. I'm suspicious that there are addiction problems and so I'm sure that has got something to do with my anger at him. And in that sense I am relieved for Cynthia, that she's chosen to move on rather than go ahead with the marriage to a (I'm assuming) broken person. Gosh that sounds cold to put it that way. I mean we all are broken in some way, aren't we? But if my suspicions are correct, being long term with someone with addiction problems, eventually realizing that you can't fix them, and realizing that they don't want to fix themselves, that's pretty damaging to the person holding on. I'm very proud of her that she made the call to quit now, and I will tell her so when we meet up. And, perhaps undeservedly, I am mad at Hugh. I'm sure I'll be seeing him shortly and will be giving him a hug and a pep talk. Hiding my feelings of anger. But if he wants to talk about it, and if there is an opening, I might just have to share what's on my mind. I'll keep you posted.
Anyway, it's a sad time in the neighborhood.

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