Sunday, February 7, 2010

Is Love Over Rated?

When one hangs out with other women who have "been there...done that" often the conversation comes around to whether one thinks love in a couples relationship is really something that could ever be a reality for one's self. And ultimately, if a really good loving relationship is possible? I mean, how many examples of successful relationships, one like one would entertain emulating, do you know of?
I've had lots of conversations around that topic lately.

As Americans, have we over-romanticized the concept of marriage? Really, in many cultures marriage is a partnership for survival. People couple to recreate. Roles are taken one: provider, nurturer of off-spring; caretaker; home manager; meat and berry gatherer; water gatherer; defender. All those things are important. When a group of East Indian women were interviewed about their marriages all these roles came up. The reporter asked about love. "What about love? she said. The women all laughed. Not bitter. Just not apparently a necessary ingredient for a marriage.

I have been in love. It was great. It even got in the way of some of being able to do some of the other roles. Now when I think about being in relationship, it feels more like work. I don't think I want to work that hard.
....but a little part of me would like to be in love. (there. i said it)

"we" (one of my "been there done that" friends) decided one of the worst jobs ever would be to be a marriage counselor. I'm not sure what the significance of the picture of the dead elk in the back of the pickup truck that I was following yesterday has to do with that. But it seems appropriate.
For the record, I changed the title of this entry to "Is Love Over Rated?" from "Love is Over Rated." I believe that suggests some openness to some possibility which, though maybe just a minimilimeter off my commitment to independence, it is a movement.

1 comment:

Laura said...

can we combine our posts today?
can one be prepared for love?
take The Bachelor, for instance.
These women are preparing to fall in love.
And it always fails.
OK, maybe a couple worked out.
But for the most part.
Love failed.

And then there are arranged marriages.
They last. They work. But is there love?

I like how you describe marriages in other countries...a partnership.
Roles to play come first, then perhaps, love. But usually, not really.

Marriage is work. Hands down. (and I have thrown them up many times!)
The LOVE part was the easy part.
Love is not hard...but keeping it alive, while trying to be a partnership is.

Falling in love is NOT the same as being in love.
Sparks die. Words are said. People change.

So, is it over rated?
I don't think so.
I think love is awesome.
If love weren't so great, we wouldn't feel so badly when we feel we are without it.

I love your writing, and I love your comments on my blog. They are always my favorite.
TRUE LOVE, baby.
Your words fill my heart on a daily basis...noting over rated about that!