Friday, May 21, 2010

What I Will Miss

Pending change makes one aware of things of the status quo one takes for granted. Here are two things that came to me over the past few days:

1. I will miss singing in the car. I am a horrible singer. Except when I am in my car. Alone. There I am a talented minstrel. Belting out Carole King, Sarah Groves, James Taylor. Just about anyone. I am damn good. And when I am done at my arrival place I turn off the engine and my singing stops. It's actually therapeutic. And God knows I can use all the good therapy I can get. In Abu Dhabi I will not be driving a care alone and therefore will have no venue to sing. I will be driven by driver, taxi or someone else. I won't be driving in AD if I can help it. In my flat I might be able to hum but with shared walls I won't be belting things out. So, as I am singing in the car over these next few weeks I will be really belting it out and savoring that while I can.

2. The weather here in Washington has been unseasonably cool. It's actually quite chilly. When I stepped out of the door after work yesterday the cold air hit me. As I pulled my jacket closed over my chest I had the thought "you'd damn well better really feel this cold and remember it fondly rather than fight it. You will pine for being cold along about August in Abu Dhabi." Today it's cold again. Telling myself this is good. Very good.

And so on the track of missing things I pulled up this little piece I wrote in 2008 as an assignment called "What I Will Miss When I Die." Kind of ironic now, some of the things in this piece, like my love for dishes and books and stepping off a plane in a new country. Enjoy:

What I Will Miss When I Die

I will miss the quiet
Time to myself
I will miss the fine opportunity to
Break dishes
Roar and burn
And die a hundred times before sunset

When I die
I will miss reading
And aha moments of truth
And lies
Mine and others

When I die
I will miss falling
And bruises and the pain
From goodbye
And hello

I will miss violation
Tears and tearing
I will miss missing out
I will miss the hours in the middle of the night
When I am holding hands with my demons
Daring each other to go beyond
What we would ever admit

I will miss misbehaving
I will miss shopping
I will miss writing a check to fill a bowl
I will miss buying avocados and mangoes
Finding just the right ones in a pile of tough ones
I will miss buying pretty bowls that I do not need
I will miss buying books that I will never read
But want to anyway, someday

I will miss the burn and good pain
From pushing myself just a little too hard at the gym
I will miss good coffee and bad desserts
I will miss making mistakes whether I learn from them or not
I will miss stepping off the plane in a country I do not know
And finding myself there anyway

I will miss looking forward to dying

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