Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Maybe it’s because it’s spring and the hope that sunshine is teetering on the horizon is with us. Maybe it’s the trees in bloom and the wonderful scent of hyacinths in the air. Maybe it’s because I finally got my house mucked out and it’s pleasant to live in again. Whatever it is, part of me is budding after a very long, cold season. Here’s the thing: I am thinking of boys. Like an awkward seventh grader, I am experiencing crushes and a preoccupation with boys without really knowing what to do with those feelings.

I need a best friend to sidle up to these boys in front of their lockers and explore if the crush is mutual. I need to pass a note across the aisle when the teacher is not looking: a note with something witty and intriguing and irresistible. I need to buy a new outfit. I need to loose twenty pounds and start wearing mascara again. I need to make it with a cabana boy when I am in Italy (did I say that out loud?).

My two current crushes are olive skinned, thick haired, strong jawed boys. They appear to be younger than me by five years or so. They are fit: no sign of enlarged livers or ruddy complexions. I want to have one of them (OK, both of them, but at separate times) over on my deck to enjoy the view of the water and eagles while enjoying a meal made with hope (yes, real cooking again) and to still be there to enjoy the view of the sunrise over the lake in the morning from my bed. I want to watch him(s) laugh and wrestle with Satchmo as he(s) helps me wear Satch out until he cuddles up exhausted in this man’s lap lap. And I’d like to be at a place where I want to want him to stay instead of longing for my blissful solitude when the day gets long.
(OK, it's bad. I even Googled them and found pictures. Then I Googled myself to see what someone would find if they were looking for me. They'd have to sort through alot of Jennifer Love Hewit listings to find anything about me. I'm OK with that!)