Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Hardest Job

I remember someone telling me, when I was expecting Andy, that being a mother is the hardest job, and the best job I would ever have. Which is probably true. For me. But it isn't the hardest job that anyone could have. After being with Julie in the hospital this summer, when she was in so much pain, and now, after being with Natalie in the hospital today, after her surgery, I know that the hardest job is not just being a mother, it's being a mother to a child who is suffering. And actually, there's an even harder job. It's being a mother of a child who is suffering and cannot communicate to you what is behind the suffering.

Natalie had surgery on her hips today. Something that will ultimately make her life less painful. But right now she is so uncomfortable. And in pain. In a few days she won't remember this level of pain. She may be uncomfortable and frustrated, but she will move beyond. Her mother, on the other hand, will not forget. If I could have, I would have traded place with Nat in that bed. Not a moment's hesitation. I would not be as graceful as Natalie. I'd probably swear at the nurses. Tell them "no, YOU relax!" Demand more drugs. Moan and sob. Upset everybody in the room.

But I do not think I would volunteer to trade places with Jill. Because one thing worse than being in so much pain is having your child in so much pain. Andy has had a few rough patches and when he's gone through those, it hurt my heart more than any of my own rough patches did.

So tonight, my heart is with three gals spending the night at Children's. Natalie of course. May she escape the pain on a cloud of sweet dreams that take her out of that bed to the place where she can dance with puppies and giggle in dress up clothes. May Jill see Natalie escape into the dream world and finally breath again and know that her daughter is finally at rest. And may Debbie, Jill's mom, Natalie's Grandmother, then experience the peace that only comes when her own are at peace. That would be a blessing. Because tomorrow that job, the hardest job, will be calling again.

1 comment:

Laura said...

...yes...tomorrow....and the next day....and the next day...and the next day...