Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Please Humor Me...

I am pretty adamant about this not being a blog to whine and pound on the wasband. He is what he is. He's not in my life any more...much...and so therefore, though sometimes a source of (mostly) minor irritation, it's rare and does not much register on my daily meter of contentment (...I corrected my Freudian mistyping of "daily meter of contemptment :) )

So, my apologies in advance for those who don't like to read about the irritated former Mrs. Lo**. You can just stop here and wait for another post. I am just needing to get this out there.

"On time and on budget" That's what the e-mail signature is on his messages. We pretty much only correspond by email. Neither of us has shared our personal email address with each other. Why mix business with pleasure, I say. So he gets e-mails from me with a "what transportation can be" sign off. That probably irritates him as well. Something to do with an constant critique of my driving style. I will spare you that whole discussion (or rant, as some would correctly view it).

Procrastination was a major source of difficulty in our marriage. As in he would never get around to doing things that were important to me. Things like getting a vasectomy; like getting even just a general physical check up; like taking his car in to be fixed when it was cycling through gas three times faster than it should; like trying to find employment that fulfilled his needs rather than being miserable in a job that wasn't working for him; like taking on work opportunities that were available to him when available to him rather than waiting for something more suitable to his taste came along. I will spare you any more. I think you get the picture.

Somehow, even with our limited interaction he still manages to procrastinate on the few things I ask of him. This summer he promised to help Andy with car battery problems. He did not. I had to take off work and help the stranded child to get jumped and taken to the battery shop where I spent the time (and my money) in getting him through that crisis that could have been avoided. When Andy was home this last Thanksgiving he was having other car problems. I had to borrow his car and was worried about the safety. When he returned to school, Andy left the car under his father's care to follow up and make sure it was safe for when he came back for Christmas break. Andy got home last Friday. Nothing had been done regarding the car so this week is mixed up with trying to get that all taken care of. Mark did take the lead in finding a place, and he is the one who will be bailing the car out when the work is done. I am not going to get stuck with that again.

So the " on time.." on his tag line just plain irritates me. As does "on budget." (I have just deleted a long explanation of why this irritates me. It felt too whiny. And I have to take some responsibility in that I've never forced the issue.) In summary, his financial obligations in Andy's care are next to nil. The few things he agreed to split compensation for (car and health insurance, Andy's cell phone service) he is a year behind on. Included in that are major dental work, major car repairs, etc. for which I've footed the bills.

Andy is blissfully unaware of the financial arrangements. For all he knows I get a monthly check from his father to help in his care and feeding like most custodial parents. Now that he's in college, at least most of his expenses come from the funds we put together while still married. Andy was only mildly reminded of my impatience with his father's lack of follow-through when I made some cutting remark while trying to deal with the battery episode. I shut myself down as soon as the words left my mouth, and apologized. When we separated I promised Andy that I would try very hard not to bad mouth his father and that if he ever felt put in the middle by anything I said that he had the right to call me on it.

My first inclination is to be passive aggressive about this thing. Like ranting on a blog rather than confronting him directly. Or to subtly change his e-mail signature by adding a "yeah, right!" on the tag line. As I sign this rant off I am aware of a much bigger issue: my inability to confront and fix this rather than whining behind his back. He had me very well trained (intimidated). Perhaps this is one of the things I need to work on before I dive into another relationship. Perhaps this is one of the elements of why I am not interested in getting into another relationship. Perhaps I should just shut up about it and get along with more interesting and less whiny posts.

Writing this post did not make me feel any better. I had hoped "getting it off my chest" would let me move on. Instead I just feel like I've shown a dirty side of me. I am what I am. He is what he is. God help us both!

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