On Saturday Mark (my Wasbund) dropped off Andy along with three large boxes of the remanents of my life in the old house. Things I really had no idea I was missing. There were some ski things, several framed prints that had hung in our old house that were clearly more "my things" than "our things", a scrap book from our engagement and wedding planning (he must have kept the wedding album), a highschool yearbook of mine, my college diploma and transcripts and several other odds and ends of the same sort.
Andy went to bed and I opened the wine. And drank.
Drank in the things in this box.
And here are the lies I discovered that I have been telling myself (most go back to my single digit years). Lies I realized and now have been able to dispell (I think...for now...for this moment):
- I was a homely, chubby ugly girl that couldn't believe that someone as gorgeous as Mark would actually be interested in enough to be seen with me in public, let alone marry me. (wrong....I see that now)
- Our relationship was not good from day one (wrong...we went into the marriage, happy, full of hope, thinking we could take the world on together and come out on top)
- I am a drag to be with (no sirreee...I can, and did hold my own in a crowd)
- See above. Are those green M&M's and check out the talented tongue (see lie below)
- I am a prude (umm no....just because I was a worn out mother and because I looked for other ways...in addition...to try to relate to my oversexed spouse does not a prude make me)
- I got terrible grades and am so not an academic (read "I am not very smart"). Well my memories of college are just barely scraping by, living on the edge of flunking out. I couldn't believe when I saw my old transcripts that I never got less than a B- in any of my college classes and that I got through HS with something comfortably over a 3.00. I would be thrilled if Andy had just one college semester with no class grade less than a B-.
- See first bullet. This is my sophmore HS picture. Andy says I look like Orphan Annie. Well wasn't she adorable? Yes, it's a bit dorky with the curls (major perms). But I was shocked to see that I wasn't appauling.
It seems so weird to see these things. Like I am looking through a box of things that belonged to someone else. Who was that girl in the box? How do I rewire myself to be that girl instead of the one in my head? It may take a few more bottles of wine...